‘The VelociPastor’ is the dumbest Sci-Fi / Horror / Comedy you’ll ever see

There are sci-fi movies, horror movies, and comedies, then there are sci-fi horror comedies, and then there are. VelociPastor – One of the most wrong movies ever made. That’s right, you read that name correctly: VelociPastor, a movie that rides so perfectly between schlock and B-movie masterpiece that it has to be seen to be believed. This 2017 film feels like a so-bad-it’s-good movie, but steers so hard in that direction that it becomes a stunning achievement of resourceful filmmaking genius. This movie ditches the budget concerns and sets out to make the wildest sci-fi horror movie possible.


Director Brendan Steere And his team leaned firmly into their limitations, enjoying the fact that they would bring their ideas to life, all with micro-budget charm. It’s a genre-bending miracle in the indie film stratosphere and should be studied by aspiring filmmakers everywhere as a reminder that if you have heart and self-awareness with your project, your audience will go with you everywhere. go with VelociPastorand enjoy the abundant festival that it provides.

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‘The VelociPastor’ is an original hybrid film

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VelociPastor Not only does it work as a wonderful blend of genres, but it is also a smorgasbord of different movements in the film. You’ve got some superhero movies that come out, some cheesy flicks, 90s romantic comedies and more. It seems that Steere took the opportunity of making this film to compress all the genres and movements of the films he admires and put them into one, ending up in a kind of gumbo. Add to that the fact VelociPastor Wish to deliver an epic plot with only ten thousand dollars in his pocket, and you get a unique experience.

The plot of the film follows Doug Jones (Greg Cohan), a priest who began to struggle with his faith after the death of his parents. In his grief, Jones travels to China, where he is cut by an artifact, allowing him to transform into a dinosaur. Doug quickly gets his powers under control, eventually teaming up with the woman. A sex service called Carol (Alyssa Kempinski) with a common desire to fight crime. From there, they duke it out with petty criminals, gangs, and an underground gang of drug-dealing ninjas. If that’s not enough to hook you, I don’t know what is.

‘VelociPastor’ is not “So-Bad-It’s-Go,” it’s just great!

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So straight out of the gate, before diving head first into the world VelociPastor, if you only know the general synopsis of the movie, you might think you’re in for a nice disaster movie. There are some drawbacks to that expectation, though. Good-bad movies come from when filmmakers aspire to create great art, only they make a few mistakes, fall so hard that they end up with something that goes horribly wrong. That it becomes entertainment. Think of movies like Tommy Wiseau’s RoomA project that aspires to be an exciting drama, or Birdemic: Shock and Awean ode to Alfred Hitchcock’s bird — One with a bird-like clipart and fantastic characters. So-bad-It’s-good films have no idea that they are that. VelociPastorOn the other hand, take its quality, wear it as a badge of honor, and run.

The best display of self-awareness… ever?

A man is bitten in the leg by a dinosaur in 'The VelociPastor.

The beautiful genius of Brendan Steere’s work here is that it embodies the idea that on the surface, there is no “beautiful genius”. VelociPastor Shot on a cheap digital camera, filmed in a backyard, always using the second to last thing you’d expect to achieve a visual effect, and with its tongue deep in its cheek. Steere wants you to laugh in the movie, desperately. He laughed with you all the way to the bank. Sometimes with these types of projects, the filmmakers think they’re going for a self-aware parody, but really you just end up with a self-aware movie. VelociPastor Like the kid who stands up with a big smile and brags in the middle of the class, looking like a total nerd and still the most confident person in the room. There is knowledge of all this film, the story of which Steere has full control.

This is not to say that the movie is some kind of scam. It’s not like you’re walking in Father And you walk away with Godthumb (Yes, this is true). You know what you are getting into VelociPastor As soon as you stumble across its name, but it only gets better from there. The film begins as a tragedy for Doug Jones, but quickly ends up spreading across the continent, throwing no-budget waste on the screen (which is more fun than you think), has an ugly mystery, features the transformation of violent monsters, and brings things. Enemy to the feet of the titular velocipastor. It is wonderful. While some movies will do these things and try to be funny while doing so, they won’t know what to do or will stumble in their efforts and deliver a movie that ends up being more insecure than anything else. Every moment feels sincere. The film comes from a very real place, one that desperately wants to entertain its audience, but is also unconcerned about its abilities. VelociPastor Kick ass and know it.

No-budget charm isn’t the only thing that will bring a D-movie to victory, however, you’ll need memorable characters and dialogue, or else you’ll have a calorie-free movie experience. Fortunately, the film regularly throws in one funny line and exchange, one after the other. There’s a great moment when our leading characters realize they need each other, with Carol exclaiming desperately “I don’t know about God,” only for Doug to reply “I don’t know much about dinosaurs.” Or what happened before that conversation, when Doug was wrong about Carol’s vague story that night, he first became a dinosaur and saved her life for the awkward story about them possibly having sex the night before. And don’t forget why they call him Frankie the Mermaid (Fernando Pacheco De Castro) — “Because you’re swimming in bitches!” Wonderful.

There is no film like it VelociPastor. You may think there is, but there isn’t. It so wonderfully straddles the line between being low-budget trash and brilliant comedy that it emerges from its own monster. Apparently there’s a sequel on the way, titled Pastor Velosi 2Also starring Cohan and Kempinski, but this time directed by the producers of the original film Jesse Gouldsbury. While it may not have been Steere who was… at the helm of the ship… at least it was who was very involved with the original. Instead, Steere will direct the spiritual sequel, Outback Dracula, a film about “a male, female teacher teams up with the world’s greatest adventurer to find her missing girlfriend and defeat Dracula and his Golden Army of the Undead.” Both movies sound great, but as fun as they are, they don’t live up to the classic that started it all – VelociPastor.

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